In this narrative I'm going to effort to give you an insight into how I notice the human mind responding to its surroundings and experiences.
Weight issues in my plan begin long before the first recognition of excess flab/ wobbly bits... And literally long before any talk of diets.
Bed Bath And Beyond Locations
Where it all begins.
Losing Is Bad - Gaining Is Good, Weight Training in the Womb
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From the first appointment to confirm the pregnancy, the ritual of holding track of mums weight begins.
Discussions take place in the middle of friends, doctors, midwives and relatives.
Asking how much weight mum has put on so far and what weight her 1st baby was -if applicable, even what weight she and dad were!
Over and over this conversation will be repeated.
Not to mention the friendly old lady at the bus stop who cant help but tell you all the reproduction horror stories of her own huge brood! Over and over mum will talk or listen to other mums discussing their fears of delivering too big a baby, or concerns of having too small a baby.
All the time baby is listening - we all know and accept babies can hear whilst in the womb.
Then the happy day arrives...
When the baby arrives everyone has the same 2 questions
"Is it a Girl or a Boy?"
"What do they weigh?"
This latter is more often than not followed up with either a sympathetic or comforting comment, or a squeal of delight/surprise and congratulations on the size!
This continues and gathers momentum as it goes
All the time baby is listening and learning!
The weight of baby and their food intake and production is greatly discussed, then monitored in the hospital by the doctors and nurses, and then again by mums and visitors. So by the time mum and baby get home and the home visitors begin to arrive - even first time mums are quite used to the procedure...
It's the same ritual that's done with every baby I've ever known.
Each and every well meaning visitor that arrives now for the next few months at the very least, the condition visitors, the grannies, the aunts, the neighbours.
All want to know the same facts - how are the feeding and what's their weight now?
All the time baby is listening in - studying more everyday.
Mum will commonly reply with either an modernize on how well the petite one is eating and how much weight they have put on in the last week or so, "oh he's great - taking 4 ounces per feed, now he is up to 11lb!" This will be met with great satisfaction from the listener. Maybe even an affectionate annotation such as "wee pudding" or "chubby wee cheeks" along with happy smiles and inescapable vigor filling the room.
Of policy mum will rarely be so full of happy smiles and satisfaction if baby has lost some weight that week, if they have not eaten so well and have perhaps dropped their intake per feed. "Oh not so good" with an together with involved tone. "He's only taking 3 oz in a bottle and he lost half a lb this week - that's him down to 8lb now" said with a negative tone. "He should be nearer to 9lb" (should be is often according to what he eat/put on last week) or something that has been said to the mum by that hazardous friendly old lady at the bus stop. The reaction to this news about weight loss is concern and worry - perhaps followed with suggestions to enhance this. "Have you tried that new formula...Have you tried bathing him before a feed see if he eats more...maybe there is something wrong and you should take him to the doctor."
All manner of guidance and ideas will be given to avoid baby having to lose any more weight...
All the time baby is listening in - learning.
Baby is already beginning to get the feeling that losing weight is not good - even if they don't know why - they know the reaction and concentration it is creating.
The feeding instructions on the method bottles can be misleading to mums in a way too, literally from my own experiences as a new mum. This helpful guide is taken as Law, and mums can feel literally involved if their baby isn't taking the stated 4 ounce or anything the guide states for their babies age.
If not the feeding guide on the side of the tin then again it may be granny's guidance or compared to a friends baby of same age or even man who has mentioned previously how much their baby took from the bottle at that age.
How many times have you, or man you know been feeding a baby and when the petite one refuses the last half ounce of the formula, we or they, do all we can do get them to finish the bottle. Then we/ they feel so proud of themselves if they do conduct it. "C'mon you've only got a mouthful left - and your going to finish it" - sound familiar?
Of policy this is all done with love and the babies best interests at heart, but nonetheless it is perhaps one of the most crucial mistakes we make because our clever petite cherub is communicating to us, doing their best to tell us they are full. Or they have had enough, maybe they feel a petite bloated or they just don't quite have the appetite right now. But basically baby is in the early days of studying how to rejoinder to their own feelings, their own internal levels and limits. They let us know perhaps by losing interest in the bottle and turning their heads away. "No more mum" - baby says, holding up the bottle we look at what's left in the feed, even if we finish there is maybe only a mouthful or two in the bottom, what we are effectively saying with our actions that ensue is "no your not full, I'll tell you when your full - Ignore your instincts and listen to mine!" Then we do our best to get baby to take whats left, maybe we will wriggle and push the bottle back in using encouraging words to the already stuffed baby. Doing all we can to get them to take the last two mouthfuls...we feel elated if baby takes it for us, and other citizen may even congratulate us on this talent. "Well done you - getting him to finish it" or "You feed him - you can get him to finish his bottle"
*note* The private personality of the baby will have some affect to the way baby responds when exposed to these surroundings and influences. Read my ezine narrative soon on babies personalities in reproduction and early childhood.
But suffice to say anything their reaction, either they literally finish the bottle or not we will have given them the clear message to keep eating. To eat beyond this feeling they have now...
To ignore their internal signals and listen to us. Babies learn from us, we all know and accept this.
Yet do we ever Stop to reconsider we are literally communicating in these type circumstances?
"Ignore your instincts and look surface yourself to know if your full or not"
Now on the other hand, if the baby is what is perceived to be a good eater, one of those petite ones that always finishes what gets offered to them, and infact may even perhaps be finding for more...
Maybe you have known children who reliably finish their part right off - no hesitation,no fuss.
Most of the parents with these children I have experienced do what when their petite one polishes their meal off?
Incredibly They think baby might still feel a bit hungry! Now we wouldn't want that guilt- (separate article) so they effort to give them more food!
I have witnessed this with my own eyes. Lots of parents who wont literally stop feeding a child until the child is protesting, is sick or falls asleep!
So inevitably the same message is being replayed in the babies mind, keep eating - Ignore this feeling of being full.
Just keep eating ignore your body's signals.
Our well meaning relatives, babysitters and visitors react to these petite 'lunch buckets' in a very inescapable way.
Often congratulating mum on having a baby with such a healthy appetite saying "that's such a good thing he's eating so well, he'll grow to be a big strong boy just like his dad/grandad/uncle"
Remember Baby Is Listening All The Time.
By now, baby will be beginning to get the message that citizen seem to react Negatively around them when they are 'losing' they may not understand why.
But It doesn't go down well, seems citizen don't like it and it does create a lot of fuss and concentration around baby. The normal atmosphere of concern and worry may surround these babies, whereas the good eater will be getting lots of concentration in an encouraging way -
lots of smiles and old citizen pinching their chubby wee cheeks. "What a wee pudding - He's adorable"
Once again babies personality comes into play as to how they react to this.
Want to find out more read my narrative on baby tribes, arrival soon.
Losing Is Bad- the reaction of everyone when babies weight goes down, Gaining Is Good - the reaction of everyone when babies weight increases. This transportation continues and as the child develops and becomes more involved and individual
so does the message given to them.
note - the language we use daily may not literally be giving the message we intend.
By the time the child is a toddler and begin feeding themselves, being introduced to new textures and tastes, often we as parents are already subconsciously expecting problems.
We are led to believe by Tv programmes and the media that children don't like veg or healthy foods, they want sweets and snacks. Today's parents will have to find ways and may struggle to get the healthy stuff down there necks.
Because we want our children to grow up healthy and strong - this can sadly can lead to parents serving portions way too big.
Even though they're already half expecting they wont literally finish it all some parents will still pile it on that plate.
Especially if the child has mentioned being hungry or informs us they love fish fingers!
The parents seem to think if they just put it on the plate then maybe, just maybe they wont notice and they take the opening the child just might eat a petite more than they would normally...
Another ensue of this affect can be what I call Training4Failure - where we are accidentally putting our children in a position to fail as opposed to Setting Our Kids Up For Success,Setting things up so our children cannot fail easily.
This then gets them used to the feelings of Success and Feeling Proud.
When the parent decides to take the opening to put a petite more carrots on the plate or add an extra fish finger,there will, at some point be the inescapable conversation in the middle of the parent and child, debating either or not they have eaten sufficient and are literally full.
Consider the following
Full is something we unfortunately cannot see with our eyes.
Nor can we hear any signs of being full.
Full is only something we can only feel,
Only the man literally experiencing it can feel it.
No one can feel full or hungry for another person!
Yet we continue along this path of gently programming & brainwashing our children to look for approval somewhere else surface themselves to know if they have eaten enough.
We bribe them/ coax them/ punish them to get them to eat what we reconsider to be a sufficient amount in a day.
Using statements such as "Your not complete until you eat 3 more carrots"
"Your Gran/Aunt/Dad has stood cooking that lovely meal all day the least you can do is finish it" - Guilt
"You wont grow" Poor Self Image
"You will get no pudding" - Punishment
"There is so many children in this world who would be glad of that food" Guilt
"If you eat it all/ a bit more you can have an ice cream" Reward
"You will go to bed early" - Confinement/Solitude
All of these were said to me as a child and I heard parents all throughout my life say the same
I have even said some of these myself, before I knew otherwise of course!
On the other hand the children with the healthy appetite, they are the ones who will hear comments such like "Oh that's the stuff - your going to grow up to be big and strong"
"Well done - you can come to my house for tea anytime"
"What a compliment to the chef"
"As a treat for eating all your supper - you can have the biggest piece of cake/pudding"
"That's what I like to see - a nice clean plate"
All of these were said to my best friend growing up as she was a good eater as opposed to me being a poor eater.
Now On To Games...
Here we also cement in the aversion to losing that remains with us for our entire lives. Think of when you taught man younger than you to play a inescapable game perhaps draughts or dominoes.. Is it not true that when you were showing them how to literally play this game, you have to make a aware effort to literally not just win? You have to put plan into not winning.
Our unconscious will do its best to play the winning shot, and you will have to literally be right not do just do it! Paying concentration the whole time so the other player (the child) can win. Then when we let them win the game, we encourage them to be delighted and celebrate. We may even congratulate them "Well done you're the winner" You play the game again and once more you have to pay real concentration to not win. Once again, perhaps because your studying them the game and you don't want them to lose heart. You let them win again and celebrate once again that they are the winner "Well done you're the winner" After a few games of you putting effort to let them win. You probably come to the point where you settle you will let yourself win this game - After all they cannot win everything.
And That Seems Like A Good part - And It Is Except -
This time when you let yourself beat them, and they are the loser. Its unlikely you congratulate them, more likely you commiserate them "Never mind let play again see if you win this time" "Aaww bad luck shall we see if you can beat me this time" Or something similar.
There Is Only One reckon For Playing And That'S To Win
Losing Is Bad - Gaining Is Good
As I say to my clients when we are discussing this topic. Even if we were to arrange a game of badminton and while we traveled to play, I let you chant to yourself all the way there (and citizen who have met me will know how impossible for me that would be) "I want to lose this game, I want Pauline to win this game" Or such like, I'm sure you will agree with me this would not forestall your feet from attractive at their normal speed in reaction to the game. You would have to literally nail your feet to the floor to stop them moving!
The same applies to losing anything. For example your handbag - (one you don't like maybe that ugly granny handbag your aunt bought you last Xmas) and you would like nothing best than for it to fall apart so you can stop using it! Even if you told yourself you wanted to lose your bag at the shopping centre.. That once again would not cause that to happen. In fact quite the opposite would likely happen, You would be more aware of your bag! More aware of its presence with you and therefore make it impossible to literally lose it!
Consider the following...
When You Play Cards - Do You Want To Win Or Lose?
When You Play Bingo - Do You Want To Win Or Lose?
When You Argue - Do You Want To Win Or Lose?
When You Enter A Competition - Do You Want To Win Or Lose?
Do You Want To Lose Your Sight?
Do You Want To Lose Your Hearing?
Do You Want To Lose Your House?
Do You Want To Lose Your Job?
Do You Want To Lose Your Hair?
Do You Want To Lose Your Partner?
Do You Want To Lose Your Reputation?
Do You Want To Lose Your Car Keys?
Do You Want To Lose Your Friends?
Do You Want To Lose Your Family?
Do You Want To Lose Your Belongings?
Do You Want To Lose Your...etc etc
The List Is Endless.
I would guess that no matter what was at risk of being lost - it would be something you would rather not lose ideally. You would perhaps rather pick to give it up, give it away, or throw it out would you not? Even citizen who claim to not be competitive, can't simply reverse something ingrained into their responses. It's not that our unconscious mind is contentious about the game, it's more that we are programmed to gain and not to lose! We have learned unconsciously that losing is bad.
Losing is Never something anything wants to do Unless Its Weight!
Weight is the only thing in peoples lives they want to lose! It's likely the only time they would use the word and when we do, when we use the word lose to ourselves. It's, at the very least Ignored by our Subconscious mind - the part that runs the body. It is Ignored because its unable to find any acceptable files to run a program/response associated with the word lose. Unable to find any acceptable files to run a schedule or response associated with the word lose. Unable to find any acceptable files to run a program/response associated with the word lose.
Losing is bad - citizen react negatively.
Gaining/winning is good and citizen react well to that, together with our own subconscious and unconscious minds.
The Subconscious has no files to rejoinder to Negatives in a inescapable Way - Negatives such as Don'T Cant Wont Shouldn'T Couldn'T etc.
More programming mistakes are made when parents say things like "don't just eat the chips" or "you can't live on sweets" etc.
Consider this: Don'T, And I Mean Don'T, Think Of A Purple Giraffe. either you want to admit it or not, your mind will have pictured a lovely purple giraffe, even though you understood what the words Don'T Think About A Purple Giraffe. Your subconscious mind is unable to process those negative commands such as don't.
So every time man hears the command "Don't just eat the chips" Their Mind Cannot Help But imagine Doing Just That - Just Eating The Chips! Crazy maybe but true none the less.
Look Listen And You Will seek For Yourself This Is The Case.
If you use these commands - either to yourself or to man else, give the opposite a go. Say something like "Don'T finish All The Carrots" You may well satisfaction in your discovery how well this literally works!
Don't take my word for it - give it a go yourself!
In fact the clever scientific way I have heard this explained is, the subconscious mind cannot produce a negative back into the reality. This is literally just saying that the subconscious mind is unable to outline out what a negative command such as don't and lose means! It has no file for those words. Our unconscious mind is a machine, a distinguished fast reliable machine. But like all machines, it relies on competent operators.
If man who has no former experience or idea about computers sat down in front of a Pc and started accidentally putting in commands that made no sense nothing would happen - At best. At worst, the Pc would rejoinder to the commands that it recognised and that could, in turn cause some malfunction! Like any other machine that needs an operator, our unconscious mind will rejoinder to all we put in Correctly. It's programed to never stop responding. Running thoughts ideas and reactions to what's happening surface ourselves, as well as responding to what we are saying to ourselves on the inside, and what's going on in there!
That'S Why It Is Crucial We Have Some Idea Of How We Are Programming Our hereafter Generations.
We may have their best interest at heart but nonetheless we are accidentally instilling in them, the very ideas and plan patterns that can cause a bad/negative association with food/ and or eating. A association with food and eating that can last a lifetime.
Losing Is Bad - Gaining Is Good, Weight Training in the Womb
